The News With Swears March 10, 2009
Plain and simple, these are the top five stories of the day regurgitated by me with swear words. Buckle up.
#1. In an effort to make right with our nation’s teachers, (who have been royally fucked with No Child Left Behind, which in my opinion should have been called All Teachers Left Behind) President Barack Obama proposed a plan to enact “Merit Pay”. What? Rewarding teachers for doing a good job? Could this possibly work? Common sense and logic coming out of the White House? Although the specifics have not been laid out by his administration, Obama seems to be offering an olive branch to THE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR EDUCATING THE FUTURE LEADERS OF THIS COUNTRY. Limbaugh probably wants this to fail too… Fuck bag.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/politico/20090310/pl_politico/19824
#2. Eddie Doyle, the famed bartender of the Cheers bar (yes, the real Cheers) was laid off after 35 years of service to Boston area drunks. So basically, Sam Malone lost his fucking job. The bar owner blamed it on the economy. Pussy. I’ll tell you what really happened and it’s happening all the fucking time. Eddie Doyle was getting paid what he was worth. He brought a lot of fucking business into that bar by being a cool fucking guy and now the bar owner is like, “Damn, this Eddie guy gets paid a lot of money because he has done a lot for me and this bar, but fuck that shit. I should let him go and hire some punk for five bucks an hour.” Nice logic, dickhead. Fire the one guy everybody comes to see and then in five months you’ll be wondering why nobody goes to your bar anymore. Dummy.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090310/ap_on_re_us/cheers_bartender
#3. Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake said today that the nation’s financial regulatory system must be overhauled to strengthen oversight of banks. No shit Sherlock. Where were you five years ago, dickweed? Talk about Monday morning quarterback. Actually it’s worse. It’s like THE QUARTERBACK BEING THE MONDAY MORNING QUARTERBACK. Bernanke, let me give you a nickel’s worth of free advice, SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AND START DOING SOMETHING. Skip a few press conferences and actually start making laws that will keep us from eating garbage and living in tents, you worthless piece of fucking shit. And don’t fucking tell me it’s more complicated than that. Fuck you, dude. You’re the one in charge, make shit happen, make shit happen, make shit happen. If you can’t make shit happen then fucking quit you fucking shit fuck.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090310/ap_on_bi_ge/bernanke
#4. A suicide bomber killed 33 people in Baghdad. That shit has got to stop. As humans we should ALL be ashamed of this.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090310/ap_on_re_mi_ea/ml_iraq
#5. Ann Coulter and Bill Maher had it out at Radio City Music Hall last night. Coulter is a fucking bitch and Maher isn’t funny. So basically, the worst show in the history of the world happened at Radio City Music Hall last night.
